THE ROBOTARD 8000

So I woke up from my medically-induced coma on Friday morning to the shocking news that BALLS OUT had made the 2009 Black List.

No, I’m not kidding.

Seriously.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s the link to prove it!

2009 BLACK LIST

Now, if you’re not familiar with The Black List, here it is in a nutshell, as described on their website:

THE BLACK LIST is a snapshot of the collective taste of the people who develop, produce, and release theatrical feature films in the Hollywood studio system and the mainstream independent system.

An annual list of Hollywood’s most liked unproduced screenplays published on the second Friday of December each year, THE BLACK LIST began in 2004 as a survey with contributions from 75 film studio and production company executives. In 2008, over 250 executives contributed their opinions.

Since its inception, dozens of screenplays that appeared on the list have been optioned, produced, and released, many to great commercial success. Two of the top three screenplays on the inaugural 2005 list – JUNO by Diablo Cody and LARS AND THE REAL GIRL by Nancy Oliver – went on to be nominated for Best Original Screenplay at the 2008 Academy Awards, with JUNO winning the Oscar.

What makes the inclusion of BALLS OUT so unexpected is the fact that it never officially went out to the town.  People primarily read it via this stupid website of ours and passed it around to their friends and so on.  It’s only in the last couple of months since switching managers that we’ve actually gotten out there and met with people about it, although not really at a studio level.

So I guess it’s something of an unprecedented event to land a script on The Black List that came to the collective consciousness of the film industry via a website.

Anyway, we’ve been hoping for a long while now to have SOMETHING come of this experiment – either a sale or an option or an assignment or whatever – so that our story might have something of a positive ending and I think this pretty much qualifies.

Plus they pretty much ruined the joke of this website/blog by outing us publicly, so continuing to post as Mongo and Battle Dolphin Zero would pretty much be pointless.

We sincerely appreciate everyone that has made this memorable experience memorable and hope that we won’t have to resort to posting our next collaboration on the internet.

When reached via teletype in Antartica, Battle Dolphin Zero had the following to add:

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was thrilled about the blacklist.  After a very difficult start with getting “Balls Out” out, we were just starting to see some momentum during the later half of this year and the Blacklist is nice way to carry it into 2010.

I’m particularly proud considering that this script never went out to studios (so we had very few studio execs voting for us) and, consequently, never got set up.”

I kinda wish he’d mentioned his balls, don’t you?

That’s right.

While you were all so certain that we were spending our ill-gotten internet cred on one-handed hookers and nosebleed medication, we were off whipping up a sure-fire hit TV show, something so simple yet so painfully entertaining  it would no doubt make us the newly-crowned KINGS of television!

You can guess what happened from there.

Anyway, we love the fuck out of this script and as always, as a last resort, we turn to you, THE INTERNET, to either validate our awesomeness or shit down our throats like the people with money do.

Now, a word about this pilot script.

It was written by founding Robotard member BATTLE DOLPHIN ZERO and adjunct member TODD KARATE under the close medical observation of MONGO NEEDFOOD (that’s me).

We think you’re gonna dig the fuck out of this.

Anyway, without any further ado, we present to you…THE BEST ANIMATED TV PILOT EVER WRITTEN BY US!

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm, brainsick welcome to…

ASSHOLE  NINJA

Happy Thanksgiving from THE ROBOTARD 8000!

Try not to choke on it.

Something grand and wonderful and delicious is coming your way VERY VERY soon!

STAY TUNED FOR UP TO DATE DETAILS AND COVERAGE!!!

(sigh)

Fine.

I’m through fighting with you people.

And I’m through fighting with Battle Dolphin Zero.

Even though he’s the one who stands to lose all credibility by my posting the original, BALLSIER first draft of BALLS OUT!

The one with fat scenes, BALLSIER balls, a painfully clear agenda and a much more satisfying ending (for me, anyway…).

So how does it compare to the “final” version?

You tell us.

BALLSIER OUT!

***bumped this up in case folks missed it***

This is a thread about my salty balls.  They itch all the time.  I don’t like to scratch my balls because I have long fingernails because I am a pimp.  Or, rather, I am rather pimpish.  Ra’ther.  So what I do with my balls when they itch is the “pinch and roll.”  I grab a hunk of the rhino skin that contains my balls and I pinch it and roll it.  It feels good and the itching stops.

…we may have been kidding.

I suppose it was inevitable.

Frankly, I’m surprised that it has lasted this long.

But the sad reality is that the interest in us as geniuses/internet sensations and our no longer somewhat but now TOTALLY AWESOME screenplay seems to have peaked.

And, you know, we’re good with that.

But how that relates to the ongoing nature of this website is still in flux.

We tried posting some shit we thought was funny/interesting on this blog and, for the most part, few people have responded.

Most have simply ignored it.

So, you know, even though we’re working on new stuff, maybe it’s time to abandon the blog aspect of this site and, you know, save further commentary until such time that we have a NEW and EXCITING script to talk about.

Based on how BALLS OUT came together, I suspect we should have something new and hearty to talk about in May of 2011.

Anyway, thanks for coming to our site and indulging our rampant stupidity.

We’re gonna leave the script up until we can’t pay the monthly fee.

And, you know, we’ll keep checking the comments and are always accessible via e-mail at mongo@therobotard8000.com.

So…you know…you can keep the dog.

We’re keeping our Pink Floyd records and the shaggy afghan our grandmother bequeathed to us.

We sincerely hope that your next online relationship fails.

Miserably.

That’s right.

After many long weeks of waiting and wondering, we’re finally able to announce the winner of our MYSTERY GUEST SONG QUEST contest!

Are your loins tingling with anticipation?

Well, they should be.

For the winner of MYSTERY GUEST SONG QUEST will receive a copy of the coveted SPECIAL EDITION of BALLS OUT, complete with a fingerpainted vagina still-life from me and two randomly stuck-together pages courtesy of Battle Dolphin Zero and his balls.

And now the moment has arrived.  Hand me the envelope, BDZ…

Drumroll, please.

The winner of MYSTERY GUEST SONG QUEST is…

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NOBODY.

THAT’S RIGHT.

NOBODY WINS.

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Not a single person came up with the correct answer.

In fact, only a handful of people even tried.

We’re really disappointed in you.

We thought we had a relationship.

We thought we had a bond.

We thought that we shared a zest for playful living and summer vegetables.

But we didn’t.

Better still, you didn’t.

Not you.

You’re too busy with your YouTube and your Face Books and your pointless Twinterings to participate in our jaunty little contest.

Me and BDZ, you know, we have no souls, so we can take it.

But our triple booked (2 assignments and a weekly) screenwriter buddy, the one with the glorious voice that I made better by throwing every instrument in the book at?

Well he’s crushed.

CRUSHED.

Shame on you people!

Shame on you for breaking a breaking a multi-millionaire’s sensitive heart!

Earlier today, a so-called screenwriting blogger posted a review of BALLS OUT.

And it’s hysterical.

But not in the way you think.

Never, in the history of ever, has anyone so thoroughly missed the point of something.

It always amazes me when novice or wanna-be screenwriters (who often call themselves “pre-pros”, which is as nauseating a term as I have ever heard) espouse their belief that screenplays MUST adhere to a rigid set of rules in order to have any chance of success.

I can say, with absolute authority, that this is NOT true.

Is it wise to have a grasp of grammar and basic screenplay formatting when writing a script?

Certainly.

Is it the most important aspect of writing a screenplay?

Certainly not.

The most important thing one needs to do is to tell a compelling story in a compelling manner.

I have read absolutely drivel that is immaculately formatted and grammatically perfect.

And I have read wonderful scripts told in a commanding manner with fascinating characters that are riddled with grammatical errors and formatting inconsistencies.

Can you guess which ones got made?

Well, they both did, but that’s not the point.

Hmm…

What was the point again?

Oh yeah.

Some clueless pre-pro format Nazi reviewed our script and it’s really funny.

Check out his review HERE.