You’ve now read BALLS OUT.

Unless you stopped reading it.

But you read part of it – of that much we are 98.174541817754% certain.

And so now is the time to shit.

Shit all over it.

Go ahead.

Take as long as you like to pucker.

Our programming is exceptionally patient.

About Mongo

Kimba eat potato.
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231 Responses to SO…

  1. Mongo says:

    For the record, I’m kinda “meh” on the plant line, Ray…but I appreciate the rest of your vagina wholeheartedly.

  2. Ray Rosenhaus says:

    Mongo, if you appreciate the rest of my vagina wholeheartedly, you’d fuck it. I appreciate your mongloidness… wholeheartedly I do. I’ll be back. Drew and I have to go renogiate Chad Ochocinco’s deal. Him and TO want to play together. Leaving Cali for the day.

  3. Wes says:

    This is one of the worst ‘professional’ scripts I have read in a looong time. Who is going to waste everyone’s time with unfilmable descriptions like, “Fade the fuck in” or “Eight motherfuckin’ rasberries.”

  4. Mongo says:

    Clearly you don’t read a lot of ‘professional’ scripts, ‘Wes’.

  5. battledolphinzero says:

    Wes, I gotta go with Mongo…

    We are profess–a muthafuckin’–nals, so the script is inherently “professional.”

    The fact that the script is garnering employment reinforces our belief in its professionalism.

    Next we will get it made and at that point it will become a professional movie as we will only allow professional grips, ADs, producers, and so on, be involved in filming.

  6. ANONGUY says:


  7. DickFarm says:

    I went into this with caution. But I read it, I loved it and I want to see it made into a movie.

  8. Mesoscopic says:

    The unholy god child of Faust and Happy Gilmore. I was not fully overwhelmed by constant wretching and repeated heart failure during reading. This makes me feel that with some work this script may be weaponised to the standard where it might be applicable for military funding.

  9. gray says:

    that was bang. when you are ready to film, call me, i’ll be jim. or the gay neighbor. yeah, the gay neighbor.

  10. Connor says:

    Holy. Fucking. Shit. It’s so good I want it to be produced into a film, except I know it’ll lose half the charm in rewrites and the fact that we can’t see all the “FADE THE FUCK IN” and “CAPE motherfucking COD” from the script in the film.

  11. Asshole from Jacksonville says:

    Loved it, but you blatantly ripped off the poem that the Judge reads in Caddyshack before christening his new boat…come up with your own poem guys.

  12. Mongo says:

    Hey Asshole — it’s called an HOMAGE, man.

  13. Bob says:

    Everything about this is extrodinary. From the ridiculousness of Baby Seals eating the fuck out of a polar bear, to Gamera fuck-swinging on a fucking fuck pole. If there were a god, I would pray to him that this be made into a movie, but since there isn’t, I will just hope that it happens. God-damn you, you magnificent bastards.

  14. Erica Peterson says:

    I’m in love with this.

  15. Otherguy says:

    It was mildly amusing, then boring, then mildly amusing, then boring. Aside from the blatant attempts at “shock humor”, there was almost a nice story to be told and could be good with some creative rewrites… maybe.

    I think this is “laugh out loud” funny like Family Guy is “laugh out loud” funny. (turning off the brain helps)

    I can’t help but think that we’ve seen this movie before.

  16. Mongo says:


    Please define “this”.

    Battle Dolphin Zero is 100% certain you’re referring to his freshly pinched-and-rolled balls.

    However, I believe you’re referring to my cheerful disposition.

  17. Mongo says:

    Thanks for your thoughts, Otherguy.

    I can’t help but feel that you almost got it.

    Even though you clearly didn’t.

    (and the FAMILY GUY comparison is a low blow, dude…)

  18. Mongo says:

    Thanks, Bob.

    We’re glad you connected with our sizzling hotplate of stupidity.

  19. Spooney says:

    I want my hour back please. Maybe if you actually want to get attention for your writing (which in and of itself is not bad), you shouldn’t make carbon copies of a story that’s been done EIGHTY MILLION FUCKING TIMES ALREADY.

  20. Mongo says:

    Oh Spooney…


  21. pilantropo says:

    I should harmonise with your point. You stated it down so well. I just bookmarked your post. thanks

  22. thebattledolphinZero says:

    Oh, pilan…


  23. Neervom says:

    I’m not gay or anything but I’d fuck you guys after reading that.

  24. Mongo says:

    Um…BDZ, you wanna take that one?

  25. Neervom says:

    I’m not gay but if I was I would still think Joni loves Chachi… still, twenty seven years later.

  26. Erica says:

    “This” refers to both Battle Dolphin Zero’s freshly pinched-and-rolled balls AND
    your cheerful disposition AAAAAND the fact that people’s nuts are crawling up inside their bodies because of how the script was written…I LOVE IT! So many fucktards missing the point…it makes me feel funny down there. I loved the script, I loved all the homages, I loved the blatant ridiculousnessnessness of it all. And in regards to Spooney’s comment…that’s amazing. He should work for NASA or something like that.

  27. Mongo says:

    Thank you for using the word “fucktards”, Erica.

    It has been far too long since it has graced my cerebrum.

    (I wish I could say the same for “ridiculousnessnessness”…)

  28. Milo says:

    cash money

  29. Adeeb says:

    I’m not gonna lie. I laughed.

  30. Nora says:

    I have the math figured out.
    Southpark+dicks + pussies+titties+some narrative self reflexive device borrowed from adaptation (Kaufman) = this script

    Good work.

  31. Chris says:

    THIS IS FUCKING GLORIOUS. Someone needs to make this movie. Animate it, do it with fucking puppets if necessary, but Jesus H. Christ someone please make this for my eyes.

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