THE ROBOTARD 8000

As I have possibly mentioned before, when I’m not writing hit screenplays, I’m writing hit songs

Usually just clever little ditties that spring forth from the fertile loam of my imagination, executed with exceptional wit and grace…despite the fact that I HAVE HAD NO FORMAL MUSICAL TRAINING WHATSOEVER!

This is the part of the post where you’re most likely starting to get excited, where you start to blow bubbles in your panties at the very notion of me posting yet another groundbreaking hit song.

But people, this is better.

This is SOOOOOO much better.

For tonight, we’re gonna play…

MYSTERY GUEST SONG QUEST!!!

You see, me and Battle Dolphin Zero have the good fortune to know a great many talented screenwriters, many of whom share my penchant for sweet, sweet music-making.

A few weeks back, one of these screenwriters, whose movies you’ve no doubt seen many, many times, decided to record a cover version of a favorite song of his and share it with some of his friends.

Now, I had never heard this song or of it, but joked with my friend that I was gonna “Phil Spectorize the fuck out of it”, having ZERO IDEA about how someone would go about doing that.

But I was supposed to be finishing a draft and being the world class procrastinator that I am, I decided to import his cover into Garageband and fuck around a bit.

And a funny thing happened.

I actually ended up doing what I’d set out to do.

I Phil Spectorized the living fuck out of his cover version.

And call me crazy, but it sounds really motherfucking awesome to me.

So I thought, why not share it with you people and make a little contest out of it.

Here’s what I’m gonna do:

I’m going to link to the original song, the MYSTERY SCREENWRITER’s cover version and then my SUPER-FUCKING-TOTALLY-RAD-WALL-OF-TARD version of the song.

The first person to correctly guess who the MYSTERY SCREENWRITER is wins a copy of the coveted SPECIAL EDITION of BALLS OUT, complete with a fingerpainted vagina still-life from me and two randomly stuck-together pages courtesy of Battle Dolphin Zero and his balls.

Are you game?  Does anybody actually read this stupid blog?

Regardless, here goes nothin’:

THE ORIGINAL VERSION

THE COVER VERSION

THE SUPER-FUCKING-TOTALLY-RAD-WALL-OF-TARD VERSION

x

x

x

x

x

x

*For best enjoyment, I highly recommend that you turn your computer speakers WAY THE FUCK UP while playing the SUPER-FUCKING-TOTALLY-RAD-WALL-OF-TARD version.

We’ve been busy working.

And crying.

And as such, have kinda neglected this blog-thing.

But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And you need only take multiple deep breaths of drain cleaner to see it.

But I digress.

The point is, we will soon return to this site of all sites and post shit of all shits for the masses to enjoy of all enjoy.

***

You know, “return” is probably the wrong word because it implies that we left.

But we didn’t.

WE DIDN’T.

We’ve just been hanging out in the basement, masturbating to dolphin slaughter videos and staining our fat, doughy faces crimson with Spicy Hot Cheetos® as we ply our individual trades and sell our individual souls for that ca$h money.

So, to sum up…

We’re here.

But we’re still in the basement.

Whacking it.

But sooner or later, we’re gonna have to go upstairs to pee.

Blood, most likely…