Archive for the ‘Uncategorized’ Category

Guess who’s not NOT gonna be a panelist at the 2010 Austin Film Festival and Conference?

Thursday, August 19th, 2010

Yep.

It’s true.

We’re not NOT gonna be panelists at this years Austin Film Festival and Conference, taking place October 21-24 in Austin, TX.

There’s a lot of other cool screenwriters who are not NOT attending, but fuck them.

WE are not NOT attending and that’s all that matters!

Details regarding panels and shit that we will NOT not be infecting with our patented Retard-O-Genius™ are forthcoming.

Hope to not NOT see some of you suckers there!

***

NOT NOT.

WHO’S THERE?

NOT NOT.

NOT NOT WHO?

MY BALLS.  CUP THEM.

Hey!

Wednesday, August 4th, 2010

LOOK!

Wow. We haven’t posted anything here for a while now…

Monday, July 5th, 2010

I wonder if we should?

And if so, I wonder what it should be about?

Thoughts anyone?

Oh, and here’s an animated GIF that makes me smile:

WE’RE OFF TO NASHVILLE IN A FEW HOURS!

Friday, June 4th, 2010

Watch the store while we’re away, will ya kids?

cover-trailer-dolphins

***Rumor has it we may be doing a second panel on Sunday morning, but don’t hold us to that.

WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED TO OUR SITE?

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

Someone linked to our site on reddit.com this morning and now people are gang-raping our pussies at an unheard of rape rate!

Welcome, you raping fucks!

THE ROBOTARD SPEAKS!

Monday, May 17th, 2010

thinktard

That’s right.

The Robotard 8000 has been invited to speak at the 2010 Nashville Screenwriters Conference being held in Nashville, Tennessee (duh) from June 4th through 6th.

We will be part of a panel entitled, “Who the Hell is Going to Buy My Script? What the Studio World, the Indie World, and the Television World are Looking For From Spec Writers” with Derek Haas & Michael Brandt and Jeff Lowell (sadly, Rian Johnson and D.B. Weiss had to drop out, which is why we are so gallantly stepping in for them).

The panel runs from 3:45 – 5:00 pm on Saturday, but we recommend you check out the entire conference – lot’s of awesome writers (and good people) in a casual atmosphere with awesome live music and stuff.

So if you’re in the neighborhood or independently wealthy with the means to fly wherever you want whenever you want, come check it out.

*Rumor has it that Battle Dolphin Zero’s balls will be making a surprise appearance.

One Day Only

Sunday, March 28th, 2010

I recently wrote this thing.

But no one cares.

So I’m gonna post it here for shits and giggles.

For one day.

One day only.

DIE SCREAMING

An Uncharacteristically Low-Key Post Regarding Our Greatness

Monday, March 1st, 2010

Well, it’s official.

The Robotard 8000 is now gainfully employed.

That’s right.

You heard me, bitch.

We are employed professionally.

For money.

CASH MONEY!

For awhile, anyway.

We can’t really go into detail at the moment, but both BattleDolphinZero and I are moist with delight in finally reaching our goal of getting someone to fork over cash in exchange for our patented brand of smartarded humor.

What started as frustration has ultimately led to CASH-tration, y’all!

Now we just need to land six high profile gigs before the end of the year so we can finally slough off our individual careers and STICK OUR COLLECTIVE FINGER UP THE ASS OF “THE MAN” ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

But even if we don’t, we’re tickled.

This tickles us.

This tickles us like some sort of analogy where something gets tickled to a demonstrative extreme.

(Hmm…I wonder if anyone has hired “Mystery Man” to write for money yet?)

2010 is finally here? THANK HOLY FUCK FOR THAT!

Tuesday, January 5th, 2010

Man, I tell ya, I have never been so happy to see a year end.

FUCK YOU, 2009!

FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMMIE FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!

2010 is looking much sexier.

MUCH sexier.

So sexy in fact that we’ve been too busy to post.

But fear not!

Everything will be back to normal in a few days and we’ll continue with our intermittent, stupid ramblings, if for no other reason than to amuse our chronically bored selves.

Unless, you know, we can get a good game of LEFT 4 DEAD 2 together…

The Black List Brings About The End of An Era

Sunday, December 13th, 2009

So I woke up from my medically-induced coma on Friday morning to the shocking news that BALLS OUT had made the 2009 Black List.

No, I’m not kidding.

Seriously.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s the link to prove it!

2009 BLACK LIST

Now, if you’re not familiar with The Black List, here it is in a nutshell, as described on their website:

THE BLACK LIST is a snapshot of the collective taste of the people who develop, produce, and release theatrical feature films in the Hollywood studio system and the mainstream independent system.

An annual list of Hollywood’s most liked unproduced screenplays published on the second Friday of December each year, THE BLACK LIST began in 2004 as a survey with contributions from 75 film studio and production company executives. In 2008, over 250 executives contributed their opinions.

Since its inception, dozens of screenplays that appeared on the list have been optioned, produced, and released, many to great commercial success. Two of the top three screenplays on the inaugural 2005 list – JUNO by Diablo Cody and LARS AND THE REAL GIRL by Nancy Oliver – went on to be nominated for Best Original Screenplay at the 2008 Academy Awards, with JUNO winning the Oscar.

What makes the inclusion of BALLS OUT so unexpected is the fact that it never officially went out to the town.  People primarily read it via this stupid website of ours and passed it around to their friends and so on.  It’s only in the last couple of months since switching managers that we’ve actually gotten out there and met with people about it, although not really at a studio level.

So I guess it’s something of an unprecedented event to land a script on The Black List that came to the collective consciousness of the film industry via a website.

Anyway, we’ve been hoping for a long while now to have SOMETHING come of this experiment – either a sale or an option or an assignment or whatever – so that our story might have something of a positive ending and I think this pretty much qualifies.

Plus they pretty much ruined the joke of this website/blog by outing us publicly, so continuing to post as Mongo and Battle Dolphin Zero would pretty much be pointless.

We sincerely appreciate everyone that has made this memorable experience memorable and hope that we won’t have to resort to posting our next collaboration on the internet.

When reached via teletype in Antartica, Battle Dolphin Zero had the following to add:

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was thrilled about the blacklist.  After a very difficult start with getting “Balls Out” out, we were just starting to see some momentum during the later half of this year and the Blacklist is nice way to carry it into 2010.

I’m particularly proud considering that this script never went out to studios (so we had very few studio execs voting for us) and, consequently, never got set up.”

I kinda wish he’d mentioned his balls, don’t you?