An Uncharacteristically Low-Key Post Regarding Our Greatness

March 1st, 2010

Well, it’s official.

The Robotard 8000 is now gainfully employed.

That’s right.

You heard me, bitch.

We are employed professionally.

For money.

CASH MONEY!

For awhile, anyway.

We can’t really go into detail at the moment, but both BattleDolphinZero and I are moist with delight in finally reaching our goal of getting someone to fork over cash in exchange for our patented brand of smartarded humor.

What started as frustration has ultimately led to CASH-tration, y’all!

Now we just need to land six high profile gigs before the end of the year so we can finally slough off our individual careers and STICK OUR COLLECTIVE FINGER UP THE ASS OF “THE MAN” ONCE AND FOR ALL!!!!

But even if we don’t, we’re tickled.

This tickles us.

This tickles us like some sort of analogy where something gets tickled to a demonstrative extreme.

(Hmm…I wonder if anyone has hired “Mystery Man” to write for money yet?)

February 14th, 2010

bitch

2010 is finally here? THANK HOLY FUCK FOR THAT!

January 5th, 2010

Man, I tell ya, I have never been so happy to see a year end.

FUCK YOU, 2009!

FUCK YOU AND YOUR COMMIE FUCKING BULLSHIT!!!

2010 is looking much sexier.

MUCH sexier.

So sexy in fact that we’ve been too busy to post.

But fear not!

Everything will be back to normal in a few days and we’ll continue with our intermittent, stupid ramblings, if for no other reason than to amuse our chronically bored selves.

Unless, you know, we can get a good game of LEFT 4 DEAD 2 together…

CHRISTMAS IS FOR SUCKERS

December 25th, 2009

SANTA01

But hey, MERRY FUCKING CHRISTMAS ANYWAY from The Robotard 8000.

The Black List Brings About The End of An Era

December 13th, 2009

So I woke up from my medically-induced coma on Friday morning to the shocking news that BALLS OUT had made the 2009 Black List.

No, I’m not kidding.

Seriously.

Don’t believe me?

Here’s the link to prove it!

2009 BLACK LIST

Now, if you’re not familiar with The Black List, here it is in a nutshell, as described on their website:

THE BLACK LIST is a snapshot of the collective taste of the people who develop, produce, and release theatrical feature films in the Hollywood studio system and the mainstream independent system.

An annual list of Hollywood’s most liked unproduced screenplays published on the second Friday of December each year, THE BLACK LIST began in 2004 as a survey with contributions from 75 film studio and production company executives. In 2008, over 250 executives contributed their opinions.

Since its inception, dozens of screenplays that appeared on the list have been optioned, produced, and released, many to great commercial success. Two of the top three screenplays on the inaugural 2005 list – JUNO by Diablo Cody and LARS AND THE REAL GIRL by Nancy Oliver – went on to be nominated for Best Original Screenplay at the 2008 Academy Awards, with JUNO winning the Oscar.

What makes the inclusion of BALLS OUT so unexpected is the fact that it never officially went out to the town.  People primarily read it via this stupid website of ours and passed it around to their friends and so on.  It’s only in the last couple of months since switching managers that we’ve actually gotten out there and met with people about it, although not really at a studio level.

So I guess it’s something of an unprecedented event to land a script on The Black List that came to the collective consciousness of the film industry via a website.

Anyway, we’ve been hoping for a long while now to have SOMETHING come of this experiment – either a sale or an option or an assignment or whatever – so that our story might have something of a positive ending and I think this pretty much qualifies.

Plus they pretty much ruined the joke of this website/blog by outing us publicly, so continuing to post as Mongo and Battle Dolphin Zero would pretty much be pointless.

We sincerely appreciate everyone that has made this memorable experience memorable and hope that we won’t have to resort to posting our next collaboration on the internet.

When reached via teletype in Antartica, Battle Dolphin Zero had the following to add:

“I’d be lying if I didn’t say I was thrilled about the blacklist.  After a very difficult start with getting “Balls Out” out, we were just starting to see some momentum during the later half of this year and the Blacklist is nice way to carry it into 2010.

I’m particularly proud considering that this script never went out to studios (so we had very few studio execs voting for us) and, consequently, never got set up.”

I kinda wish he’d mentioned his balls, don’t you?

THE ROBOTARD 8000 IS PROUD TO PRESENT OUR FIRST FORAY INTO THE WORLD OF TELEVISION!

November 16th, 2009

That’s right.

While you were all so certain that we were spending our ill-gotten internet cred on one-handed hookers and nosebleed medication, we were off whipping up a sure-fire hit TV show, something so simple yet so painfully entertaining  it would no doubt make us the newly-crowned KINGS of television!

You can guess what happened from there.

Anyway, we love the fuck out of this script and as always, as a last resort, we turn to you, THE INTERNET, to either validate our awesomeness or shit down our throats like the people with money do.

Now, a word about this pilot script.

It was written by founding Robotard member BATTLE DOLPHIN ZERO and adjunct member TODD KARATE under the close medical observation of MONGO NEEDFOOD (that’s me).

We think you’re gonna dig the fuck out of this.

Anyway, without any further ado, we present to you…THE BEST ANIMATED TV PILOT EVER WRITTEN BY US!

Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm, brainsick welcome to…

ASSHOLE  NINJA

SO…

March 28th, 2009

You’ve now read BALLS OUT.

Unless you stopped reading it.

But you read part of it – of that much we are 98.174541817754% certain.

And so now is the time to shit.

Shit all over it.

Go ahead.

Take as long as you like to pucker.

Our programming is exceptionally patient.

SHUT YOUR BALL-LAPPER AND EAT YOUR GODDAMN TURKEY!

November 26th, 2009

rickkube03turkey

Happy Thanksgiving from THE ROBOTARD 8000!

Try not to choke on it.

IT’S COMING!

November 14th, 2009

Something grand and wonderful and delicious is coming your way VERY VERY soon!

STAY TUNED FOR UP TO DATE DETAILS AND COVERAGE!!!


typing-robot-thumb

Wanna read the first, BALLSIER version of BALLS OUT?

June 19th, 2009

(sigh)

Fine.

I’m through fighting with you people.

And I’m through fighting with Battle Dolphin Zero.

Even though he’s the one who stands to lose all credibility by my posting the original, BALLSIER first draft of BALLS OUT!

The one with fat scenes, BALLSIER balls, a painfully clear agenda and a much more satisfying ending (for me, anyway…).

So how does it compare to the “final” version?

You tell us.

BALLSIER OUT!


***bumped this up in case folks missed it***